The Spiritual Spiderman

Upon hearing this story, someone once described me as a real life spiritual spiderman. I’m not sure about that, but I was bitten by a spider in late 2016, and that seemingly innocuous event did lead me on a wild and often tortuous path to uncovering what others have described as a superpower. This is the story of how a fairly normal guy from England had his life turned completely upside down as he was unwittingly thrust onto the spiritual path and handed the most rude of awakenings. This is how I found myself, found the light, and eventually, my calling.

Until I was thirty-five I had almost zero spiritual inclination. I used to attend yoga classes at a local gym to ease the ever-present back pain, but that was about it. I was a proud atheist.  There was no God in my life, no quantum field, no supernatural, no divine love, just life. Then a little insect crawled into my bed, nibbled on my left leg, wrecked my health, and shook my life so completely to the core that there was simply no avoiding a new path. Down the rabbit hole I went. Frodo left the shire. Harry jumped onto the Hogwarts Express. Dorothy left Kansas. Neo swallowed the red pill. 

I grew up in a pleasant and leafy suburb of South London with Mum, Dad and two sisters. I am the eldest, Laura came along five years after, and two years later came Charlotte. The children in the neighbourhood would play together in the back gardens and ride our bikes on the pavements whilst the mums chatted over tea. It was a friendly community, but it was not a happy home. My father was a policeman on the South London murder squad, a profession that inevitably took a heavy emotional toll, and the pub was his refuge. Invariably I was the one who had to hold space for my mother’s unhappiness, and amidst the turmoil, care for my younger sisters. I was being trained to look after vulnerable women from a very early age, little did I realise that someday it would become my profession. My parents finally declared a ceasefire when I was eleven, and Dad moved out. My young brain resolved to look after these three women, as that was what was needed of me. I would be caring, considerate, funny and kind. I did my chores and I was an emotional pillar of strength. It was only in my early-thirties that I started to reflect on this fact, and what it had meant for me to grow up without a strong male role model. I had forged myself into the man my struggling family needed me to be. Unfortunately that meant I became so good at looking after the needs of others that I completely lost sight of what my own needs even were. It was in these experiences, however, that deep empathy and sensitivity was forged which would later go on to play a key role in my awakening, and then the development of my gift for healing, before it was time to look at healing my wounded masculine. 

I spent my twenties drinking, partying, and working as a project manager in corporate London, where, like many of us, I sought to find meaning in my life through the acquisition of money, experiences and women. On the surface I looked successful and happy. I had a huge group of friends, a comfortable home, a fast car, and holidayed frequently. Underneath the surface, however, it was a different story. My entire being struggled as I battled near constant anxiety. My body struggled to digest food due to the state of flight or fight that I almost permanently existed in. I was deeply stressed, but I had no idea I was deeply stressed. As an unconscious empath I was walking around soaking up the energy of everyone around me, the good and the bad, not realising just how much of the negative stuff I was absorbing. My mind swirled with negative talk about myself. I was riddled with doubts and insecurities. I needed to make a big change, Australia was calling. 

I was thirty one years old when I packed up my bags and headed Down Under. After six months I moved to the famous Bondi Beach to live the dream. However, it soon turned into a living hell. In late 2016 a suspected whitetail spider snuck into bed with me and bit me on my left leg. In the morning I woke up with an itchy purple lump on the inside of my thigh and no idea where it had come from. Around the lump was a large red bullseye rash, the sort typically associated with Lyme disease. The lump itched a bit and I assumed it would just disappear like any other insect bite. It did not. The bite wound remained there for nine months, and in that time my health completely collapsed. All of my bodily systems were thrown into disarray. My body had been troubled for years, but not like this. Looking back on that period, I’m not sure how I survived it. I was living ten thousand miles from my family and friends, working in a stressful job, and my body and mind were utterly broken. I put on a brave face, tried to navigate what I was going through as best I could, but I was barely surviving. I cleaned up my diet, cut right back on alcohol, found a less stressful job, and bought an infrared sauna which I sat in for 30mins every day to detox. I also started experimenting with extended water fasting. These 3-7 day fasts did wonders for regaining some quality of health. I was able to exercise again, my brain started to function better. Life started to look up a little, and then I started to wake up.

It was midway through 2018 that I had my first transcendental moment whilst at a sober ecstatic dance. I went into that dance anxious and uncomfortable, I came out feeling like the golden unicorn which had been kissed by God. Looking back I realise that is exactly what had happened. The feeling lasted less than a day. Two days later I found myself sat on a beach, sobbing uncontrollable tears that didn’t make much sense. That moment marked the start of a period that would see me shed many tears. I went straight home after the crying eased and started a blog to document what was going on. I bought the domain www.redesigningmybestself.com and down the rabbit hole I went, chasing that elusive unicorn experience again. I walked on hot coals at a Tony Robbins conference, I attended breathwork classes, I upped my yoga practice and then she appeared, my mirror. 

In early 2019 I walked into a yoga class and came face to face with someone who I just knew was going to be trouble. I looked into her sparkling eyes and lost all sense of time, space or reason. I moved my body through her expertly-guided yoga flow, trying to focus on my breath, but totally mesmerised by the athletic woman at the front of the class. At one point she came over to adjust my body, electricity surged through me. Little did I know, but this energetic young woman had just awoken the kundalini fire in me. I was indeed in trouble, I went back to her class week after week, I couldn’t keep away. Her eyes danced when we talked, my knees went weak as I walked. I had been infatuated a couple of times before, but never like this, nothing had prepared me for this. Here she was, after thirty five years of searching I had found her, or so I thought. She was dating someone but I was head over heels from the first moment, the twin flame awakening saga had begun, the path to divine union was haphazardly stepped onto.

A few months after our meeting I took off on a trip to Europe to spend some time in my homeland and travel through Spain. After that I was to spend three months at the Pyramid Yoga Centre on the island of Koh Phangan in Thailand. We had jokingly planned to meet for garlic prawns in Barcelona as she was also going to be travelling in Europe at the same time. This was the first of many strange synchronicities. The garlic prawns never happened, she was pulled back to Australia prematurely because of a family illness, and I realise now that God was at play even there. It wasn’t the time for distractions, it was time for me to look deep at myself. Nonetheless I sent her postcards from the places I visited. On the one from Barcelona I sketched a bulb of garlic and a prawn, I bought her a prawn-shaped fridge magnet and headed for Thailand.

I had signed up for a five week yoga teacher training on Koh Phangan. The thinking was that I would learn enough so I could return to Sydney and teach a few vinyasa classes, but this was no ordinary yoga school. I was greeted by a motley crew of fellow students from all over the world, but the star was seventy-something year old David. As a teenager, David had stumbled upon a book about Yoga in his local library and the practice became life. He spent a long time studying with a Swami in India, before he left to set up yoga schools in Mexico, Guatemala and eventually Thailand. The guy is a wizard, he deserves his own chapter. I could probably write a whole book about my ten weeks at that incredible paradise in the Thai Jungle. So much happened. A sliver of light may have pierced my darkness in 2018, but I was about to be bathed in it. 

By the middle of the second week I was losing faith in David and his school. I wasn’t sure what this style of yoga was that he was teaching, but I knew the athletic lycra-clad yogis of Bondi Beach wouldn’t be buying it. He called it ‘Chakra Yoga’. As far I could tell it was a lot of breathing and waving limbs around to Enya tunes. I started to make enquiries at other venues on the island. The universe stepped in, again. During a guided meditation at the end of the week my consciousness casually popped out of the top of my head, left my body and floated high up to the top of the pyramid ceiling. In that moment I remembered what most of us have forgotten, that we are not just the body. I could  see us all meditating beneath me. It was blissful, I was no longer in the painful cage. Then David tooted an old bicycle horn and I came crashing back down to Earth. Everything had changed. Anyone who has had an outer-body experience will attest to this, once you know you are not your body, your perspective on life shifts. After a few minutes of being back in my body I collapsed onto the floor and cried like I had never cried before. Another layer of trauma was unlocked and I wept. I didn’t know what on earth was going on, and I was completely unprepared for what came next.

The following two weeks were a blur of emotion, ecstatic joy and crushing sadness as I rode the waves. The fourth week was devoted to the heart chakra, more heart opening, more revelations, and on the Friday I was invited to lay myself down on the Quantum Sound bed and take a blindfolded psychedelic ride into my own subconscious. It was pure magic. I spent six hours inside my own imagination meeting ten different spirit animals that showed me parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. The last of these creatures was the serpent which wrapped itself around my core, up my spine and then melted into me with a wave of heat. It was wild, but beautiful. These animals showed me all of the untapped power and potential within my being. I stepped off that bed a different person. An hour later I turned on my phone, and there was a message from her. My heart skipped a beat. The postcards I had sent from Spain seven weeks prior had arrived that very day, the day my heart cracked wide open. I left her a voice message telling her in no uncertain terms that when I returned from Thailand we were going for those prawns. The next day she messaged to let me know that she had started seeing someone new and she was moving in with him. I spiralled so hard I didn’t know what to do. I lay on my bed and resolved to meditate until the endless destructive rumination stopped. I lay there practicing yogic breathing as my anxious fingers made their way round my meditation beads, all one hundred and eight of them. After one lap I was still spiralling, so I went for another. Halfway through the second lap something huge happened. My eyes were closed, but suddenly I was bathed in white light and a female voice said “Hello, Chris”. What proceeded was a full blown conversation with what I presume was an angel of light. I was told that they had been waiting for me for some time, and that I did not need to worry, I was going to be guided and protected, all I needed to do was keep in contact and keep the faith.

Three days later I contracted Dengue fever. I spent five days sweating in agony, unable to eat or move. People think getting sick is bad for you, but I’ve come to realise that getting sick is often a purification process for the body. After five days I had miraculously recovered. As I re-entered the yoga shala again for a group meditation I was handed some basic notes on breath counts and visualisations. I didn’t fully understand the instructions so I winged it as best I could. What came next was mind-blowing. As I knelt with my eyes closed, breathing in and out to specific counts and focusing on visualising moving energy around my body, something quite extraordinary happened. My body began to tremble, and then it began to shake, and then it began to shudder. I experienced what can only be described as a non-sexual orgasm that lasted for a good fifteen minutes or so. I wasn’t aroused, but it was the most pleasurable experience of my life. My body shook with intensity and my skin dripped with sweat as a wild fire took over my being. I later discovered that this was what was known as kundalini shakti. Serpent power. In the space of ten days I had been graced by the holy spirit, contracted and recovered from Dengue, and now this. It was a wild ride, and one which took over a year to come down from.

I often tell people that this was the time that the Kundalini awoke, however I know that it was sparked into life the moment she touched me in that first yoga class. The connection with this soulmate triggered a heightening of sensitivity. Like the spider bite she was placed onto my path to help wake me up. A few days after the grand explosion in Thailand I started instinctively laying my hands on people, channeling energy into their being, facilitating often profound healing. And then she called to say she had broken her coccyx, and somehow I worked out how to do remote energy healing to speed her recovery. It worked. Later I moved to Zoom and went international, first with one-on-ones, and then groups. The results were often startling. I had a knack for intuitive suggestion and questioning that could re-write someone’s subconscious programming in a single session. My clients would manifest healthy relationships, new jobs, new homes, health, wealth and peace of mind. I was enabling the dissolution of energetic and emotional blocks that were holding them back in life. What’s amazing is that I never really thought about it, it just happened and I threw myself into it.

Today I am an alchemist, connecting with beautiful souls all the time, transmuting negative energy into positive wherever I go. The back pain that plagued my previous life is gone. It’s a very different existence to the one I had, but I appreciate what a gift it is to experience life in a whole new dimension. A lasting union with my divine counterpart didn’t happen, it was too difficult to navigate, but we do communicate in dreams, and via texts. When the despair at our failure to make a relationship work started to lift, I started to increasingly learn to surrender to the divine will. Today I have one-on-one clients all over the world and run powerful group healing meditation workshops. The nurturing soul that was moulded out of my childhood experiences has remained at my core. I have an intuitive ability to read trauma and energy in people. I often know that people need help before they themselves do. I can tune energy chakras and help clear trauma simply by meditating with the person, wherever in the world they may be. It’s a pretty cool gift although of course it comes with its challenges. Midway through 2021 I began to focus on working with the entrepreneurs and change makers who are designing tomorrow, to help them align their visions and messages with the divine will for this planet and our species. I have faith that the divine mother and father will guide humanity so that we may transcend these dark and challenging times. I am honoured to play my role in that mission, however small or big it may turn out to be. 

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