Are You Ready To Step Up Into The Light?

Happiness is a choice.  Some are blessed to be gifted happiness by default, without needing to work at it. These fortunate souls are blessed, but most will take their happiness for granted.  For the rest of us, the majority of us, happiness is a choice, it takes work.  It requires a willingness to confront the scary stuff from our past, and sometimes our present, that we have pushed away.

Except we have not pushed it away at all, we have pushed it inside, deep down inside of ourselves.  It may be deep, and hidden, but it is there, and it hurts us, even when we don’t notice it.  Maybe we have become so accustomed to the pain that it has become dull.  Our normal.  Like a splinter embedded deep within the skin.  It is locked away where we can’t see it, under so many locks and keys that we can barely see what it is anymore.  All we see is a confusing mass of locks and jumbled keys.  But it is there, affecting, damaging, polluting, sabotaging, holding us back. Hurting us, and the ones we love.

Until we make the decision to take the action necessary to open those locks and expose that darkness, our happiness remains tragically stunted, numbed, hindered, half-hearted. It is the tragedy of our species.  It is the tragedy of us.  It is the tragedy of you.

If you are truly happy then congratulations, I urge you to practice gratitude for that happiness you have been bestowed, you are one of the fortunate ones.  The practice of gratitude for your happiness will serve to make you even happier.  Win!  But if you are not happy, not truly happy, then you have a choice, an opportunity, a gap to fill, dare I say it, a destiny to fulfill.  You can accept where you are at, accept that this is what you have, hope that it might get better some day…. or, OR, you can make the decision to do ‘the work’.  You sit there now, and ask yourself the question

“Am I truly happy?”

As someone who made that decision, I urge you to do the work.  the juice is worth the squeeze.  I made that decision out of necessity, I had no choice, my life was at a dead end, my health devastated, my mind gone. It was work or die.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been difficult, confronting, unsettling, confusing, and alienating.  But it’s also been an enlightening, fun, eye-opening interesting, exhilarating and crazy experience. Two years in, I have no regrets, sure, I’ve messed up, I’ve made things messy, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve upset people, I’ve upset myself.  But here I stand, two years later, beating my fist against my chest shouting:

“I love life, I love me, I love you, HEAR ME ROAR”

Maybe you are happy hoping for better days, or maybe you are lost, but don’t know where to turn.  Hoping is unlikely to change things.  Being lost, but not seeking directions  is likely to result in only staying lost.  I have the directions, but I cannot give them to you until you ask for them.  Lord knows I have tried to give them to the people who I know desperately need them, but alas it does not work.  The desire to seek must come from within.

‘The work’  What do I mean by that?

Doing ‘the work’ is opening the door to our pain.  It is saying “enough is enough, I’m ready”.  It is welcoming the discomfort.  It is engaging in the process of self-enquiry.  It is finding the willingness to address our past.  Learning the art of vulnerability.  Prioritising the truth above all else.  Accepting nothing but the truth.  Staring at our guilt. Watching our shame. Washing ourselves in our sadness. Facing down and shaking out our fears.  When we do this, it allows some of the darkness that secretly fills parts of us to dissipate, to unravel and float away, and in its place flows what? Love.  We open those locks, we allow ourselves to experience the torture of that long forgotten, carefully hidden pain all over again, sometimes repeatedly, as many times as is needed until we have learnt the lessons.  And then, in its place, we shine the torch, the light, the love fills the cracks.  We slowly but surely become reborn.

The darkness is part of who we are, it is an element in the formula, it has been a part of our creation.  To deny it.  To hide it.  To suppress it… in my view, is a mistake.  We need the darkness to appreciate the light.  We need the darkness to teach us the lessons.  We should accept the darkness with humility, and grace. The darkness is a gift.  A gift to be grateful for.  This is how we grow.  This is now we evolve.  This is how we fulfill our potential.  This is how we find true happiness.  How we shine our light and love out into the world.  This is how we FIND OUR BEST FORM.

Maybe you don’t think you have any darkness.  Maybe you believe you are free of trauma.  But how do you know?  Maybe it is hidden so deep you’ve forgotten it is there.

Are you ready to do the work?  Many of us, myself included have lost our jobs.  Now is the time to do the job you came here to do.

Now is the time to step up.

Step up.



If you would like to work with me because you’re suffering or stuck in a rut and can’t see a way out, then head over to my business page at for details on what I do and how to contact me.


Don’t Play Their Game. Play Your Game.

‘Self Analysis’ and ‘Self Improvement’ is a mug’s game.  Let me say this.  Don’t do it.  Unless you need to, or really want to.  Just don’t do it.

But by the same token, if you’re anything like me and have an inkling that there is more to life, a stirring inside of you that wants to know more, that deep down knows there is more.  A part of you that doesn’t feel quite content, an emptiness that persists no matter what you try, or buy, or fuck, no matter where you go, who you meet, or what you experience.  If you’re like that, like me, then you have no option.  Welcome to the game.  Welcome to hell.

If you have that sensation, I know that sensation.  It starts out as a gentle gnawing, and so you try, and buy, and travel, and fuck some more, but the gnawing persists.  Slowly it grows into something less gentle, more aggravating, like a persistent ache that never really goes away, even when you stop noticing it for a short period.  Maybe you throw yourself into a new project, or a new relationship, or set a new goal and throw everything you have into that instead.

Achievement.  If I just achieve that thing I want then this gnawing, this aching, this discomfort will go away and I’ll be content then.  Then I’ll be happy.

Now, I realise that a lot of people go through their lives not feeling this way.  They are blissfully happy with their lot.  They have enough and they feel enough, and life is contented goodness.  This piece, and to be honest, probably this entire blog, is not for them.  A part of me envies that contented state such people so easily slip into.  For me, life has been a tale of working to achieve stuff that would hopefully make me happy.  Except nothing I ever tried, or bought, or fucked really made me happy.  Not in the long run.  It only ever provided temporary respite.  And then I was back looking around for something else to try, buy or fuck, to scratch that itch that always reappeared.

Self analysis.  Gawd!

So much of self improvement work appears to be goal-orientated.  Develop these new skills, achieve this inner state, or realise this ambition and you will be improved, a winner, time to feel happy and content.  Utter tosh.  That’s just the same old bullshit approach as buying a new pair of shoes or finding someone cute to get naked with.

I realised something today, whilst out for a walk with someone cute who I’d like to get naked with.  As we walked and talked I found myself talking about where I’d like to get to with my new ‘career’ as a meditation guide and trauma healer.  Later we talked, albeit briefly, about my 9-5 job.  You know, the one I spend the majority of my waking hours on, the one that actually pays the bills.  I looked to swiftly move the conversation away from that topic, fearing I’d bore her to tears, but she seemed genuinely interested.  I realised that in the process of pushing so much energy into the development of what I hope to be my future career, I have been pulling myself out of enjoying the present moments spent on the job that pays the bills.  Yes it may not be my ‘passion project’, but it’s a good job, with variety, and autonomy, and excellent people to work with, a supportive culture, free TimTams, and a healthy pay packet each month.

In my drive for spiritual growth, for enlightenment, I have been neglecting the very thing that I preach.  When I engage fully in the present moment it doesn’t really matter what I’m doing.  I could be sitting in meditation, running through a park, writing an email, guiding someone through releasing their childhood traumas, engaging in a Zoom call or aggressively hitting a tennis ball back and forth with an opponent.  All of these activities are divinely enjoyable when I am present in them.  It’s only when I get pulled into the past or the future that my happiness, my contentment with life suffers.

I don’t need to achieve anything to be happy.  In the same way I can’t find peace in trying, buying or fucking, I don’t need to be a spiritual sage, a visionary or to heal the world.  I don’t need to achieve the final stage of enlightenment.  I don’t need to do anything except be present.  Being present frees me from the doubt, from the unfulfilled desires, from the pain, distraction, rumination and judgement.  Being present is enlightenment.

Being present is being like the dog off the leash running wild with the other unleashed dogs.  In fact it’s not like being a dog at all.  It’s a wolf.  Running wild with the wolves.  Who wouldn’t want to live life like that?

This is the most wonderful delusion of them all.  It is the most attainable of goals, and yet for so many it seems so completely out of reach.  All you have to do to be present is to give up.  To surrender.  To forgive the past and be grateful for the present.  I know this, and yet how easy it is to slip back into that age old delusion that goals, any goals, must be achieved.  That I must save others from their suffering.  That I must find a good woman to lay with.  Even when the new goals seem somewhat morally superior, it’s still the same old crock of shit.

The game is rigged.  The only way I win is by refusing to buy into the notion that I must win in order to win.  I’m not saying don’t play, but don’t play their game.  Just play your game.  This is life.  Spend the first half building something.  Spend the second half ripping it back down.

How utterly refreshing.  Game over.



If you would like to work with me because you’re suffering or stuck in a rut and can’t see a way out, then head over to my business page at for details on what I do and how to contact me.



Chris talks…. Our Love For Dogs

I penned this post months ago, but fearing widespread condemnation at the theme, I foldered it away in the drafts section and there it has remained, collecting dust ever since.

But then Covid happened and in the proceeding six weeks of solitude in my studio apartment I seem to have lost all sense of giving a damn about what anyone thinks of me.  I’ve gone full on big biz-conspiracy theorist, 5G, Anti-vaxx, and god knows what else.  If it’s accepted mainstream thinking, chances are I’ll have a go at it, it’s become something of a hobby.  A rare source of intrigue in this perpetual Groundhog Day.  It keeps me going.  I make no apologies.

Some months ago I stood around a central kitchen worktop conversing with three others on the subject of dogs, man’s (supposed) best friend.  As we conversed we came to the startling realisation that none of the four of us were massive dog fans.  One or two even went as far as to suggest an outright dislike of the furry fellas.  I say “startling” because this is unheard of.  Seriously, what were the chances of all four of us; white; middle-class; thirty-somethings; living in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs – turning out to NOT be dog people.  Staggering odds I’d suggest.

A number of individual reasons for our indifference were put forward as we delighted in our shared disdain;

“they stink when they’re wet”

“they’re needy”

“they’re only our friends because we enslave them” (Stockholm Syndrome anyone?)

“they slobber on your clothes”

“you have to walk them twice a day and literally pick up and carry their shit in a little black plastic bag”

“Those shit bags aren’t bags for life”

“they cost a fortune” – vet’s bills, pet food, doggy daycare, kennels whilst holidaying, replacing the ruined, gnawed, hair-covered sofa, etc.

“They take up more time than children”

“They bark all day when you leave them home alone and piss off the neighbours” (God forbid they protest their capitvity)

“A massive one chased me and knocked me over on the beach when I was very young and I’ve been slightly wary of them ever since” (admittedly this one was me)

When you start to break it down, the cons of dog ownership are plain for all to see, so why is it that so many of us live in such awe and wonder of our canine companions?  I referred to them as “man’s best friend” earlier in the post, but in reality, sat here in 2020, I think they should be re-labelled to ‘woman’s best friend’, on account of the obsession many members of the fairer sex appear to now have with Rover and co.  Now, before you howl at what could be perceived as the apparent sexism in that comment, let me explain.

Perhaps in bygone times when it was largely the men who tended to the land, and took their dogs with them to hunt and protect the crops and flocks from pests and predators – “man’s best friend” was a worthy and appropriate title.  But I’ve been observing reactions to dogs for some time now and have come to the conclusion that women, or at least a lot of women near where I live, are besotted with them.  Men, not so much.

Occasionally I take a friend’s beagle for a walk, and am always struck with how many young women gawk admiringly at my furry friend, smiling lovingly, occasionally reaching out to stroke Byron’s white and light brown fur.  It’s rare that the dudes give him even a glance.  It’s a cliche, but there’s a very obvious and compelling reason for why lonely, single dudes get a dog.

I almost crashed my car last year after a female companion squealed loudly and suddenly in my left ear. “What happened?!” I yelled, my eyes darting around my periphery trying to identify the unseen threat.

“OMG that dog over there is too fucking cute!”

“Are you eff’ing kidding me! What dog? I can’t even see a dog”

“It’s over there, in that park, the brown one, I think it’s a puppy”

Now, dear reader, this pup must have been at least 150m away, in a park, on the other side of the road, and despite the fact my vision is near 20/20, the aforementioned pooch was a mere brown blur to these eyes.  That didn’t matter to my companion, this was seemingly the highlight of her day, and me crashing my car was of secondary importance to a glimpse of a goddamn puppy.

None of my guy mates talk about wanting to get a dog, in fact I can only think of one that has a dog (he actually has two, and they’re massive great Rhodesian Ridgebacks saved from a rescue centre), but getting a dog often seems to be high up on the list of #lifegoals for the women I meet or know.

Which leads me to the question of where has this come from?  Besides those trained up to guide the poor of sight through the streets, sniff out a bag of Colombia’s finest, or locate a hidden explosive belt around the midriff of some poor deluded fool hellbent on self destruction, what exactly are dogs for in the 21st century?  Are they really man’s (or woman’s) best friend?  Are we desperately breeding more dogs so we can give them amazing lives?  Please.  No fucking chance.

I suspect that many of us are using dogs to medicate ourselves against the symptoms of loneliness and disconnection now rife throughout our Western societies? ….hmmmm. Are women perhaps more drawn to dogs because it fulfills a maternal yearning in them, in a developed world where the birth rate is dropping fast and many couples are choosing to delay starting a family, or simply avoiding having one altogether.  Men don’t need dogs by their side anymore, at least not in a functional capacity to help protect the tribe, or rounding up sheep on the farm, or keeping intruders off a property.  I’d argue that men’s need for a dog today is likely driven by loneliness.  And I say that having spent a weekend dog sitting earlier this year, it was definitely a less lonely with him by my side.

This is worth exploring at this time.  I suspect that #lockdown has led to a massive surge in demand for puppies and kittens.  As people have been sent home and told to stay home unless going for a walk, it’s understandable that having a dog to walk could seem appealing.  Walking around my suburb of Potts Point in Sydney, it is hard to walk further than 10m without coming into contact with a pooch, they’re everywhere.  Many of them pups.

At the back end of last year I spent three months in Thailand studying yoga and meditation.  In Thailand there are also lots of dogs, every establishment seems to have a dog, the beach I was staying on had at least 10 dogs in residence.  Here is what I noticed about the dogs in Thailand:

  1. None of them wear a collar
  2. They sleep outside
  3. They are allowed to go wherever, and do whatever they want
  4. They play, wrestle and occasionally swim
  5. They consider the road to be their highway
  6. They do not pay much attention to humans; tourists or locals
  7. The local people do not pay a huge amount of attention to them
  8. The local people most certainly do not yell “Come here Buster” twelve times on the trot, becoming increasingly irritated as their ‘possession’ does not behave as they expect – as I witnessed one dog owner do in a Sydney park last week.
  9. The Western tourists, somewhat pathetically, try to befriend these dogs, usually the cuter looking ones.  Invariably their attempts are futile.  The dogs simply don’t give AF.  They act more like very playful cats over there.

One of the participants on the yoga course remarked that the Thai people were horrible to dogs.  I took umbrage with that comment.  Yes, the Thai people might not show huge amounts of affection towards to the dog population, but neither did they seek to enslave them, drag them around by a leash, lock them up inside on their own for hours on end, or yell at them to “come here”, “fetch”, “sit down”, “give a paw”, “be a good dog”, etc.  You get the picture…  Those Thai dogs looked pretty happy and healthy to me.  They were free to be dogs.  Free to be themselves.

Do we love our dogs in the West?  Like, truly love our dogs?  Real love is unconditional, but do we love our dogs purely for being, or is it because they show us tangible physical affection in a world increasingly disconnected and devoid of such affection?  A recent study of 20,000 Americans suggests that almost half (47%) of us admit to feeling lonely ‘on the reg’.  43% said they feel not just lonely, but ‘isolated’.  Gen Z (those born after 1995) is the loneliest generation ever to have lived (which is crazy scary given it’s commonly accepted that the easiest time to form connections and friendships is when we’re young, impressionable, open and free of adult responsibilities).  A study by the University of San Diego went even further and deduced that in fact, almost 75% of us are chronically lonely, which is amazing given how many are married, with children, and friends, and jobs that come with colleagues.  What’s going on?  (this is a question for another post), but what has this got to do with dogs?

I would argue that we do not love dogs, for in many cases we are using those dogs to feel better about ourselves, to medicate against our loneliness and isolation.  They give us company, and purpose, something to care for.  But it is not love, not unconditional love like they show us.  It is a love with a contract.  We expect them to show us unconditional love, but in return we treat them like pleasure slaves.

We turn a blind eye to the processed dry food we feed them meal after meal, removing their natural ability and desire to hunt out their next morsel.  We turn a blind eye to the man-made prisons we keep them in whilst we’re out at work, or the bar, or the dentist.  We turn a blind eye to the way we bark [pun intended] orders at them, or the restrictive collars and leashes we use to control their physical movements.  We pull them away from interacting with other dogs, or people, or even a sweet smelling lamp post.

We turn a blind eye to this abuse because these dogs make us feel loved, and worthwhile, maybe they even give us purpose, or at least a reason to get our arses off the couch and go for a walk.  But is this love?  If it is love then it is a warped type of contractual love.  I’m willing to clean up after you, take you for walks, feed you, pick up your shit, but in return you must be affectionate towards me, and obey my commands whilst simultaneously not mind your enforced dominion.

Something about this feels inherently fucked up to me.

Love should be given unconditionally, and abundantly, and without conditions.  Especially by parents.  Dog owners are essentially parents.  Due to the nature and laws of our societies in the West cannot allow dogs to truly be themselves, and as a result cannot give love to their dogs unconditionally, because that would mean allowing them to do what they want, and the law clearly prevents that.  The very term ‘dog owner’ makes me uncomfortable, it implies possession.  Love is about freedom, not possession.  The two cannot align, at least not in a healthy way.

Of course I’m stereotyping here and throwing all dog/dog-owner relationships into the same bucket, which of course is not the case, but it’s definitely a thing, and from what I have deduced it exists on a scale of ‘slightly warped’ to ‘really fucked up’.

Whilst we’re on this trail of questioning, let’s broach the subject of plucking young pups from their mothers. A practice completely normalised by our society, and yet what would be the resulting outcry if we stole away young human babies from their mothers once they had stopped breast feeding, to then re-home them with a family of wolves, despite the fact they already had a loving home and family?  It’s just weird that we consider this to be perfectly okay, and why do we think it’s okay? Because we’ve been conditioned by our society to think as such.  Welcome to the matrix.

There’s a documentary on Netflix called ‘Dominion’ on the subject of cow slavery, and it’s not the only film portraying such a message.  Vegan campaigners often use this argument as part of their case for doing away with animal husbandry, however I see no vegan campaigns to free the dog, supposedly our best friend in the animal kingdom.  It is apparently unacceptable for cows to roam freely in a field with other cows, munching on fresh grass and socialising with their bovine buddies, with a view to eventually ending the life of those cows to feed us, but at the same time it’s totally fine for us to stick a dog on its own inside all day, with no friends, eating what we choose for them, walking where we choose for them to walk.

How has this escaped debate?  Why is no one debating the ethics, or even the environmental impact of dog ownership?  I’ll tell you why, it’s because we’ve convinced ourselves that we love our dogs, and the dogs love us.  We keep cows to feed us, we keep dogs to emotionally soothe us.  It’s much easier to give up meat and switch to that soy/pea-protein crap than it is to confront our own insecurities and loneliness.

I’m not telling anyone to get rid of their dogs, or even avoid owning dogs in the future, just as I’m not telling anyone to be a meat eater.  I actually love dogs, like I love all animals, even the ugly-looking ones, especially the ugly-looking ones.  You know when I really love dogs?  When I see groups of them off their leash, sniffing, chasing and play fighting each other in a park.  That’s true happiness there.  That’s how life should look. Some of the dogs I know are friendly, cute creatures because they’ve been trained to be that way, they are unknowing participants in a matrix also.

I am undoubtedly a cat person, I grew up with two little rockstar cats who I loved to bits.  You know what I loved most about them?  They did not give a fuck what I wanted, and they did exactly what they wanted.

Cats for the most part exist outside of the matrix, they see what is real and react accordingly.  So when a cat shows you love you know they mean it, because if they didn’t love you, they simply wouldn’t bother.  They’d just eat the meal you so kindly provided and piss off back out of the catflap.  When a dog person rolls their eyes at my admittance to being a ‘cat-man’, I don’t get angry anymore, I just feel sympathy, they’re just not strong enough to be a cat-person.  They need the dog.  That’s fine, but don’t tell me I’m weird because I value freedom above dominion.

Let the backlash begin.


Catman x

If you would like to work with me because you’re suffering or stuck in a rut and can’t see a way out, then head over to my business page at for details on what I do and how to contact me.




Practice Gratitude, Believe in Magic, Befriend the Wizards and Witches

How long will #Lockdown last?  Another week?  Month?  Longer?  Good question. Nobody really knows.

What comes next?  Good Question.  Nobody knows.

Might this lockdown be followed by a period of non-lockdown, before lockdown is enacted again?  Good question.  It’s possible, but nobody knows.

Is the virus real?  Or is something else killing people?  Good question.  Some ‘body’ somewhere probably knows.  The rest of us, well, nobody really knows.

Will life go back to how it was?  Good question.  Unlikely.  But nobody really knows.

Should life go back to how it was?  Another good question, but each individual’s answer is just going to be an opinion, based on inputs received from external sources.  So should we pay much attention to it?  I’ll leave that one to you to decide.  But guess what, nobody really knows.

No one has invented a time machine to catapult us into the future, yet, so nobody knows what’s coming up.  Despite that fact, ask yourself how much time and mental real estate has been spent in the past four weeks in rumination on the future…  Added up across the globe the number of minutes would boggle the mind.

So what the heck do we know?

We know this:

The past is a concept carried in our minds and photographs, which we remember as we remember it, not necessarily how it actually was.  We remember the bad stuff more than the good stuff, because remembering the bad stuff means we know where the danger lies.  This keeps us safe, it’s an evolutionary survival trick, but has the potential to wreck our lives, if we let it.  How can we trust our memories of the past, if we’ve forgotten a lot of the good things that happened?  Or even more devastating; misremembered the bad stuff as worse than it was.

What about the future?  The future is also a construct of our minds, a projection of what it may look like based on our current experience of life and the concepts we hold in our memories of how the past unfolded.  That projection is also likely to be influenced by what other people have told us of their own predictions, but how can we trust those?  Should we trust their sources more than we trust our own untrustworthy sources?  Projecting goals and intentions for the future is a smart move, but if we fall into the trap of assuming the future will pan out exactly as we imagine it in this moment, if we spend our lives dreaming of future riches, we set ourselves up for a lifetime of distraction and disappointment.  A lifetime of failing to be present in the present.

So if we can’t trust our memories of the past, and we cannot foretell the future, what are we left with?

Answer: The present moment.

It is the closest thing to reality, to the truth that we have.  It is all that is.

But what if our present moment is being destroyed by our addiction to, and obsession with, the past story and future projections… Then what do we have?

Nothing but a mess of thinking.  An inner lie that cannot be trusted.  A total fabrication of our own making.  And worse still, a heart blocked by the intellect and thought patterns.

It is the primary error of humanity.  Pure programming.  A prison of our own making.

And so what comes after Coronavirus?  After the incredible global experience that is, and eventually will have been, the Covid-19 freak show?

I’ll tell you what comes next.  Whatever we choose.  If in fact we choose to choose.

Regardless of your opinion on the ‘Law of Attraction’, we are constantly manifesting, everything in our lives is a manifestation of our beliefs, decisions and actions. Everything.  Individually and collectively.

So what do we do?  We decide, right here, right now, to let go of any negativity we are holding on to towards the past, to see it all as a messy series of life lessons to be grateful for, nothing more, nothing less.  We look back on our entire story and give thanks for it led us to this moment. 

I’ll use myself as an example here.  My parents got divorced when I was eleven years old, I’ve delved into the story on my blog before so I’m not going to go into it again, but in summary: the sequence of events were not beneficial to my development or happiness.  Or at least they weren’t, until quite recently, when I finally reached the point where I could no longer sweep the problems under the carpet and decided to do something about it.  What did I do?  Well I’ve done a lot, tried a lot, it’s all documented on my blog, but it really just boils down to this:

  • Firstly I made a conscious decision to re-frame my past as a beautiful life of experience and illuminating teachings.  No longer do I look back on any thing that happened with resentment, anger or bitterness.  Why would I?  It all led me to this moment, sat here, typing this, with a smile on my face and a glow in my heart that no one can extinguish.
  • Secondly, I worked with a skilled practitioner to release the negative emotional energetic frequencies that were trapped inside my physical body.  A skill I was so utterly impressed with that I went on to study the method so I could offer it to others.  It has become my purpose.

I make it sound easy.  It has not been easy, but a large part of that is because I was deploying trial and error as my method to finding the solution to my problems.  I never employed a guide.  I was too stubborn and too stupid, and as a result I was stuck for years and years going round in circles, repeating the same mistakes over and over again.  I needed a guide.  A coach.  A teacher.  Or maybe I didn’t. because here I am, finding my own way, eventually, but my goodness it would saved a lot of time and heart ache.

Okay, so I’m just a kid of divorce who experienced some bullying and got himself trapped in a negative cycle.  Trauma, yes, but not that unusual.  Many would argue that there’s nothing that traumatic about it, but trauma is a spectrum, and no one can say for sure how an event or upbringing is going to affect a child.  Kurt Cobain’s parents got divorced at nine and look at how it affected him, he never got over it.

A trauma is defined as a distressing or disturbing event, or series of events.  By that measure it could include anything from being left to cry for hours as a baby, to having an angry or depressed parent, to losing a loved one, or having your heart broken, from failing at school to being mugged at knife point.  It could be living with an emotionally manipulative partner, being disabled by an accident, or working towards a dream only to find it dashed at the last minute.

Many people will hear the word trauma and think because nothing ‘serious’ has happened to them that it does not apply.  It’s not true.  Simply having an unhappy parent whilst growing up can be deeply traumatising for a young child.  And so if you’re reading this, and you’re a parent who’s unhappy, it’s probably something worth exploring, for their sake as well as yours.

But what about the people who experience mega trauma?  Losing parents? Sexual or physical abuse?  Surviving Nazi concentration camps?  History is littered with famous achievers who had dark pasts.

Isaac Newton’s father died before he was born, his mother then left him to be raised by his grandparents, by all accounts he did not have a happy childhood.

Oprah Winfrey was sexually abused from the age of ten by several members of her own family, and aged 14 she became pregnant, but lost the child.

Joaquin Phoenix lost his brother to a drug overdose when he was 19, Joaquin went on to have his own substance abuse problems.

Russell Brand has very publicly battled his addictions.  Look at him now, married father of two, becoming one of the most internationally known British comedians, commentators, and dare I say it, spiritual teachers.

Tony Robbins’ mother tried to drown him with bleach.  His companies now turn over in excess of $6billion a year, he has provided millions of free meals to the poor, and has helped countless attendees of his workshops to turn their lives about.

And there’s Viktor Frankl, the Jewish doctor, neurologist, psychiatrist and author who, against all odds, survived over four years in the unimaginable horror of the Nazi concentration camps, and went on to provide inspiration to millions.

There are more examples of triumph through adversity littered throughout history than I could possibly list or uncover.  Madonna and Lady Gaga, both were raped.  Charlize Theron witnessed her mother shoot her father when she was 15. Nicole Kidman has been incredibly open about her struggles with infertility.  Keep looking and you’ll find more and more.

The further your rubber band gets pulled back into the darkness, the faster you can catapult into the light, if you so choose.

The point is this: Human beings are incredibly adaptable and resilient creatures, just look at how we have adapted to this Covid-19 situation.

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”

The bigger point is this: When life gives you lemons, make Lemonade.  We all have things that go ‘wrong’ in our lives.  Sometimes at the start.  Sometimes in the middle.  Sometimes at the end.  When the lemons inevitably land in our lap we have a choice:

We can say: “fucking lemons, they’re all bitter and acidic, I didn’t want fucking lemons”, and then watch them rot in our lap.

Or we can say: “fucking lemons! YESSS! Get in! What a result!  I can add a little sugar and use these lemons to make refreshing lemonade, I can have a glass for myself, yum, and then I can gift the remaining lemonade to my dehydrated neighbours, so that they may taste this delicious lemonade and enjoy their day a little more”  I win, they win, everybody wins!

This is it, it is that simple.  If we want to be happy in the present we must look back on the past with nothing but gratitude.

And this is where meditation or prayer comes in.  But before I dive into that, we need to address the future again briefly.  Once we stop letting the past control us, we should also work to cease attempting to constantly control and map out the future.  We should aim to understand that seeking to precisely define the future means we lose our ability to adapt, to find opportunity in the unexpected, and we close off other potentially more fruitful, joyous paths that the universe may present to us.  If we demand that there is only one path we must follow, and then that leads to a dead end, where are we then?  Stuck.

How do you DECIDE to do these things?  “It’s hard!” I hear you wail…

You must take ACTION to change your BELIEFS to the ones described above.  Take the DECISION to BELIEVE that the past is something to be thankful for, regardless of the story.  And BELIEVE that the future is yours to manifest, but not control.  Then take ACTION to lock those beliefs into your subconscious.

That’s a bit messy, let’s condense it into one line.

Decide to take action to change your beliefs. 

“But how do I do that?”  Read on.

The present moment is all we have.  And once we have freed ourselves from the tyranny of our pasts and the hopeless unknowing of our futures, we will be able to fully live that moment.  ‘The Power of Now’.  This is not new.  Many men and women have figured this out through the ages.  However, never before has the entire planet pushed the pause button, never before has the entire planet been connected like it is today, never before have we had access to this information at the same time as having the time and space to explore this concept.

It is time for us all to take out our vision boards and write down the utopian future that we want to take shape when the lockdown rules start to ease.  The prison of our own making has a prison door, but that door is not locked, you just need to test the handle, open it and step out.

John Lennon once sang:

“You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one”

I finally understand what he was singing about.  He isn’t the only one.  There’s a whole army of dreamers, of wizards and witches out there, hiding in plain sight, casting magic spells.  Some are celebrities like the late John, but it might be the cook in your kids’ school canteen, or the barista at your favourite coffee place who is always smiling, always chirpy.  It is the people who live with unconditional love in their hearts, and freedom in their souls.  Hagrid was a wizard just as Harry and Voldemort were.

How do you live with unconditional love in your heart and freedom in your soul?  I’ll say it again.  Give thanks for the past, and cease trying to control the future, instead decide what it is you want, and then ask for it.

It is important to note: Some of the powerful wizards and witches have gone to the ‘darkside’.  The power has gone to their heads, not their hearts.  Watch out for them, like Voldemort and Darth Vader they want to take the war to, and destroy the Muggles, they’ll seek to first take out the rebellion, the dreamers.  I’m not going to point them out, but when you see a powerful person, simply ask yourself, is that person operating from fear or from love?  Trust your gut.  If it’s fear, laugh in the face of fear and move on.

The world is full of fear at the moment, open your eyes and ears and you will realise we are engulfed in it.  We are in a dangerous place.  It is more important than ever to open your eyes and open your heart.

Instead we should look to the Dumbledores, the Yodas and the Gandalfs.  They are there, you just have to look for them.  I’ve given you one already, but go read the lyrics of Pink Floyd and you’ll soon see the magic.  Shakespeare’s pen was a wand.  David Gray, the clue was in his first album title (White Ladder).  Monty Python – definitely.  Ricky Gervais – almost certainly, watch ‘After Life’ or the ‘Invention of Lying’.  Jim Carrey?  See him in ‘Yes Man’?  Powerful wizard that one.  Eckhart Tolle blows my mind with his magical words and peaceful demeanor.  Have you seen Chris Martin on stage?  Pure presence.  They are there, look for them.

How do you know who they are?  They’re often unconventional.  a bit ‘strange’.  They talk of love, they talk of freedom and free speech, they give no credit nor time to fear, they are creative, thoughtful, kind, occasionally dark, yet hilarious.  Find them, and then DECIDE to BELIEVE in their message, and then DECIDE to take ACTION.  Make their message your message.  A message of hope, faith, love and humour.

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro”

Maybe this will all end tomorrow.  Maybe this time next year it will be a mere historical footnote, the butt of jokes between regulars down at the local drinking establishment.

Alternatively, maybe this is just the start of a post-Covid-19 dystopian future that would give George Orwell nightmares.  Maybe it’s going to rip the carpet from underneath us, destroy the world economy, bankrupt nations, bankrupt businesses, end capitalism, usher in a new world order, enable the new age of AI to dominate us, reduce us to peasants, destroy families, destroy humanity, plug us into a matrix.  If we all collectively succumb to fear this may well happen.  We will manifest it with our fear.  God forbid.

Or maybe we’re about to witness the greatest period of human history.  Maybe we’re about to step into the world that John Lennon imagined.  A world where we live as one, in peace and harmony.  We have the opportunity to achieve something that we’ve never been able to before.  If enough of us place hope, faith, humour, and love in our hearts, we will collectively usher in the most incredible new age.

The spiritual folk advise that we are entering the age of Aquarius.  The age of water.  What is water?  A mass of molecules held loosely together by cohesive bonds, fluid, flowing, held together but not rigid.  There is no life without water.  Gaia, Mother Earth, more water than she is soil, she is waiting for us to make our move.  What do we want?  What direction are we setting our ship for?  What will we collectively manifest?  Will be bond together or will we freeze in fear and drown?  Wake up.  Step up.  Your planet needs you.  Your people need you.  Your family need you.  You need you.  Open your heart.

Take your power back, take the power away from the past and the future, give up control of what we cannot control, practice forgiveness, practice gratitude, and then ask for the future you want to see.  Demand it in meditation or prayer.  Although I’m not religious, these are the teachings of Jesus Christ, but they’re also the teachings of the powerful dreamers; Shakespeare, the Buddha; Bill Hicks, Kurt Cobain, John Lennon, Tony Robbins and Joe Dispenza; Ricky Gervais and JK Rowling; and don’t forget those rascal Monty Python lads.

Love will always conquer fear if we remain open to love.  That is all we have to do.  Stay open to love and laugh in the face of fear.  When we run from what is scary we let the fear win.  We let the devil win.  Face it down.  Laugh at it.  Choose love.  Choose life.  And don’t forget to smile.

And then meditate on that decision.  Close your eyes and repeat the following over and over again.

I give thanks for everything that came before

I choose love now

I laugh in the face of fear

I am love

We are love

Together we will build a loving new Earth

Don’t know how to do meditate or pray?   Watch my video click here and then listen to one of the guided meditations I’ve recorded click here.  Want to dive deeper still? Click here

I leave you with the words of the late, but timelessly wonderful Bill Hicks:

“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it’s very brightly colored, and it’s very loud, and it’s fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, “Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?” And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, “Hey, don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.” And we … kill those people. “Shut him up! I’ve got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.” It’s just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn’t matter, because it’s just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”

You are far more powerful than you know.  Don’t listen to those who tell you otherwise.  They speak from a place of fear.  Everything is possible when you choose love.



If you would like to work with me because you’re suffering or stuck in a rut and can’t see a way out, then head over to my business page at for details on what I do and how to contact me.




Guided Meditation – Relax & Restore

This guided meditation was recorded with the purpose of alleviating stress and worry in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic situation, but in reality it can be used at any time to encourage relaxation and recovery in any body.

Set aside forty minutes to sit or lay in a comfortable position, try to avoid a time when you’re likely to be disturbed.  Headphones are recommended but a speaker will work just as well.

Set the intention to relax and heal, push play, lay back, and close your eyes.


If you would like to work with me because you’re suffering or stuck in a rut and can’t see a way out, then head over to my business page at for details on what I do and how to contact me.

Guided Meditation – Energise and Explore

Hey folks,

No lengthy discourse today – instead I have a recorded a guided meditation to positively charge and heal your body, taking you on a journey of relaxation, energy production, emotion acceptance and yet more relaxation.

It’s thirty minutes long from start to finish.  Take time to sit or lay down somewhere comfortable, free of distraction if possible.

If you wish to pursue a personalised guided tour into your subconscious, to break the chains, to find your inner light, then reach out for a one-on-one session with me.

For now, sit back, relax, and push play.

Meditate or Medicate?

I am a broken record.  My turntable needle stuck on a particular groove in the vinyl.  The record spins round and round, but the same sound emanates from the speaker, over and over again.

For thirty five years I stumbled through life, careering from one ill-fated venture to the next.  I never sat down and really thought about what I was doing with my life.  But meditation was something that monks did, or people who simply had too much time on their hands.  For me it was a case of “Go Go Go”.  Until I stopped.  Last year.  Exhausted and lost.

From my mid-twenties onwards, rather than focusing on my life, I dedicated more and more of my time to the connection with the small electronic device typically found in the left front pocket of my jeans, or the palm of my right hand, or on the bedside table next to me as I slept.

I’m not going to beat around the bush here, I’m not going to filter down my words, connection to that machine, or any machine for that matter, is a bullshit connection.  And the more time I spent in connection with that little machine, the less time I spent in connection to myself, and my fellow humans.

As I walk around my Sydney suburb at the moment, Covid-19 hysteria in full swing, it is hard not for me to notice how many people are stood, head slung forward and down, staring at those little machines.  I know why they do it, they’re trying to feel alive, they’re trying to feel fulfilled, they’re trying to feel connected in this time of extreme disconnection.  I don’t judge them, I feel their pain, but it’s a foolish place to look for answers.

I know, I tried for many years to find answers there too.

You may find intellectual answers; words and images on those little devices that satisfy your intellectual brain, but your heart will exist in a place of lack.

This is the affliction of our times.  Our brains are overloaded.  Our hearts pitifully under-utilised.

We live so fully in our heads that we’ve almost forgotten what our hearts delight in, forgotten what our hearts need.  Forgotten what our hearts can do.

Our hearts need smiles, they need hugs, they need purpose, and meaning.  They are devices for the production, delivery, and receipt of love.  Your brain simply cannot do that.

Our hearts need meditation.  Not medication.

For in meditation we forget about what our thoughts and form tell us, and instead we find what our soul wants, what our soul already knows.

It’s a big ask for me to explain to you what this means in practice, but when the noise of your thinking brain quietens, when the clouds of your past clear and the storm of your future subsides, the blue sky of your soul becomes apparent and light can shine forth from your being, expressing you as the angel you were born to be.

When you realise that you are an angel, sent from heaven, there is no need for disease in your body, there is no need for darkness in your thoughts, there is no need for pills to make you happy.

Meditation is medication.

Prescribed drugs are the third biggest killer in the US.  How many people die from meditation?  How many know that they can cure almost any ailment, any mental block, any niggle with the power of their spirit, their soul, their heart.

Devastatingly few.

As Krishnamurti once wrote:

“Meditation is the movement of Love”

F**k am I grateful that I found it in this lifetime.  Life is unrecognisable since I did.  Words cannot explain the bliss, the joy.  It is better than any drug.  It is such a gift, and one I long to share.

If you’re ready to find out who you really are.  If you’re ready to find your best form.  Get in touch.






The Story of the Shepherd and his Sheeple. A Covid-19 parable.

You didn’t genuinely believe that was the last post did you?  Mate, I’m just getting started.

The last edition was the final chapter of the old book.  This post marks the commencement of the new.

The last post was all about truth.  My truth.  The only truth that exists within my universe.

In my universe WW3 has already started, in fact it’s already close to being won.

“What on earth are you talkin about?!” I hear you say.

Let me tell you a story…

Once there was a flock of sheep in a large open field, lets say, it’s a field on the side of a stunning alpine mountain.  There is a shepherd on this field, keeping watch over the sheep, helping with lambing, ensuring they had enough grass to eat, but also checking that the sheep didn’t hurt each other.  When they did they got told off.  The sheep were all essentially free to roam about where ever, and behave how ever they liked.  Some of the sheep liked to roam far and wide, leaving the safety of the field and the shepherd’s watch, but some liked to stay close to the shepherd and behave quite differently.  Some of the sheep liked to move slowly around the field, some wanted to jump and run about.  Whatever the sheep wanted to do they could do, the sheep did have a shepherd, but they did get to choose how to be.

The shepherd often thought to himself that the lively, wild sheep were more trouble than they were worth, but what was he to do?  The sheep were always different and he couldn’t stop them from being sheep!

But then one day, the shepherd spotted a man stood under an Apple tree, he wandered over and the man told the shepherd of a new product which would  make the sheep less likely to leave the ‘safety’ of his field. He installed the new product in the middle of the field, and was delighted with the results.  The sheep loved the new product, they spent all day looking at it, even when they were walking and eating grass with their friends! They just couldn’t take their eyes off it.  Some of them spent 10 hours a day looking at it.  Several of the sheep them were even happy to wear a smaller version of it on their ankle.  It meant he didn’t lose as many of the sheep to the wild, as he was prone to do before.  Now he could convince nearly all of the sheep to stay relatively static, ‘safely’ in his field.  He could keep watch on all of them.  He was a happy shepherd.

Unfortunately some of the more rebellious sheep still wanted to roam free and jump around, being a general nuisance to the shepherd.  He was worried that the well-behaved sheep would soon start to follow the naughty sheep’s example.

Luckily for the shepherd, another man arrived in his field, a man WHO suggested that the shepherd should scare the sheep so they behave better.  The shepherd nodded, yes that could work!  He told his sheep that it was dangerous outside of the middle of the field now because there was a WOLF living in the forest beyond their field.  The sheep looked scared and moved to the middle of the field, they all decided to be sensible for a while, until the danger had passed.  The shepherd was delighted, now he would lose none of his sheep, and it was much easier to check they were all safe .  No sheep would be lost to the wild.  No sheep would cause him any problems.

The sheep were scared.  If it was so dangerous should the shepherd not put up a fence to protect them from the danger?

The shepherd obliged, smiling secretly to himself.

The sheep were relieved, they were happy that the shepherd was doing so much to protect them from the danger.

However, as time wore on they began to feel irritable, cramped and unhappy, especially the more wild ones who carried a spirit of adventure.  The ‘nuisance’ sheep started to test the fence, to see if they could escape.  They were willing to face the danger of the wolf.  The more docile sheep told them off, saying that if they broke the fence the wolf would come into the field and eat them.  They begged the shepherd to save them from the ‘crazy, nuisance’ sheep.  The shepherd happily agreed and installed an electric fence to keep the sheep in.  Especially those naughty wild ones.

The naughty sheep, accepted the electric fence at first, assuming the danger outside must be really bad if the shepherd was willing to go to all that trouble to install the electric fence.

After some time, some of the sheep became so fearful and stressed by the thought of the wolf that they became unwell and died, the other sheep saw this and panicked looked to the shepherd for help.  Had the wolf entered the field?!  Even with electric fence?!  Even though they were being really well behaved?  How could he save them?  They pleaded for help.

The shepherd smiled secretly to himself.

The shepherd said all of the sheep must go into smaller pens and keep 2 metres away from each other at all times.  They would be allowed out from their pens for an hour per day to walk in the field, but only in small groups, and always 2 metres apart from each other.  This was for their protection, it would make it harder for the wolf to catch them.  The shepherd would watch on to make sure they did not get any closer or walk too far.  The sheep were grateful to the shepherd for keeping them safe and letting them go for walks, but they did miss nuzzling their noses into wool of their companions.  It made their noses warm, and their hearts happy.  Now they couldn’t do that they felt like something really important was missing.

Still, the sheep were mostly just happy to be safe from the wolf.  However, after a while the sheep became increasingly stressed by their confinement and isolation.  Even the docile ones, but especially the adventurous ones, who began to question how dangerous it really was outside.  Baaaaa.  Where was the wolf?  All they had seen was a few foxes! Some of the sheep started to suspect there was no wolf.  They just wanted to be sheep again, to run about and eat grass.  When would the shepherd let them be sheep again?

Some sheep gave in, their wills crushed, they became sad, anxious, more fearful and docile.  Those that did not, turned their fear into anger and tried to escape.  The shepherd knew he had to make an example of them, for if all the sheep formed together to break the fence they would and they would escape.  So he beat the few that did with a stick until they learnt not to try to escape.  The sheep stopped testing the fence.

The shepherd was happy for a while, because out of fear, the sheep stopped testing the fence, the sheep sat in their pens and caused him no headaches, but then they started to get sick in large quantities, and he was no longer able to sell their meat, for it tasted rotten and foul.  He realised that the sheep were just too depressed and too restricted, he did not want to lose his business so he split them into groups inside slightly larger pens, allowed them to nuzzle each other again, and gave them some little tasks to do, and things to play with to keep them occupied.

This worked for a while, but the sheep remained unhappy and sick, they weren’t allowed to be sheep, and this made them sad and angry.  Eventually they started to fight with each other inside of their pens.  The shepherd saw an opportunity, he managed to convince the sheep to distrust the sheep in the other pens.  They forgot about the wolf.  The other sheep were the danger all along!  Their own brothers and sisters!  The sheep within each pen became united in their hatred of the other sheep in other pens, and eventually called for the shepherd to let them fight the other sheep.

The shepherd, sensing an opportunity to give the sheep purpose, introduced organised fights between chosen sheep from the different pens.  These fights were to become a battle to the death.  The last sheep standing won the right to go live in the shepherd’s private garden which had lush and plentiful green grass.  The sheep were so miserable they were willing to kill for that lush grass and freedom.

What the winning sheep did not realise was that, whilst he would be able to munch on that grass, he was tied with a piece of rope to a post, and had no friends to share the feast with so it wasn’t much fun.  Then to top it all off, the shepherd ate him, and his meat was tasty from the lush grass.  Now there was space for next year’s winner of the Hungry Sheep Games too.

As the shepherd sat eating his lamb chops, he remarked to himself how delicious the young sheep were, but the older sheep weren’t much good for eating.  He decided there and then that he should kill and eat them all before they get too old.  That way all of the young sheep would have plenty of lush grass to eat, and no old sheep would be around to tell stories of the days when the field was wide and open and free.

The shepherd smiled secretly to himself.  No sheep would ever cause him a nuisance or go missing again.  He’d have tasty lamb chops every day.  Everything was perfect.

The end.

We’ve cancelled Olympics, we’ve cancelled the football, we’ve cancelled everything.  This is the new game, the new reality, but there’s a chance you haven’t realised you’re already participating in it.

For me, in my universe, Covid-19 is a massive fix up.  Smash the average family, destroy small businesses, upgrade the tech, fast-track new laws to restrict our freedom and civil liberties, reduce our privacy, interested parties seizing control, power, money and greed.  It’s nothing new, Shakespeare had it all worked out in the Merchant of Venice.  The fat cats in Wall Street and Co are getting rich double over.  No doubt sold out of everything at the top.  Then took the money and bet on the market collapse.  End result: Say goodbye to your pension, say goodbye to your savings.  They’ll buy back in at the bottom, by which point you’ll be too damn scared to reinvest in case you lose the little you have left.  Your job has likely gone, or it’s on the way out.  The men at the top have made their move, declared war, and before you even know it’s war it looks like they’ve already won.  We’ll all end up on a basic universal credit, cash will be outlawed, the black market will move to bitcoin, until they shut it down.  They’ll sit at top, controlling it all, getting richer, whilst employing a police state to protect them from the dirty Proles.  You won’t be allowed to leave your district.  Already implemented in China, who just so happens to be ‘schooling’ the G20 leaders on how to manage a pandemic.  You’ll get fat, lazy, depressed, and you’ll sit there watching Netflix, eating terrible quality food, getting sicker, and lazier and fatter.  This is population control.  It’s already happened, and your pitiful, useless governments stood by and welcomed it in.  In fact they’ve borrowed a fortune of cash to pay for it, and guess who’s going to have to pay for that… Certainly won’t be the ‘shepherds’.

I’m not even angry, it’s amazing to observe.  The execution of the plan is sensationally brilliant.  I can’t believe I’ve just witnessed WW3 get won in less than a month without anyone even realising it had started, apart from those who started it, obviously.

Time to wake up.

There isn’t much time.  That Electric fence and the beatings for disobedience are just around the corner.

I’ll leave you with this gem from those wonderful Monty Python boys.




Is This My Truth Or The Truth?

For years I have proudly declared myself an atheist.  How smug I felt as I announced:

“There is no God, obviously.  As if there can be a man in the sky making all the decisions.  It makes no sense, it’s all a load of old bollocks!”

For years I have looked down with pity and almost something that, in hindsight, feels like scorn, on those who “still” follow a religion.  For years I have thought of them as powerless, and stupid fools.  Who in their right mind would believe the fairy tales of that old book, the oldest of books?

The Bible, The Torah, the Quran, The Vedas.

For years I have declared my total faith in democracy, capitalism and science.  Science!

But what a conflicted individual I have been, as I found myself disagreeing with politics, losing interest and attachment to the material world, and struggling for years with chronic health problems that my beloved science could not come up with a solution to.  I clung to my beliefs for years and years, trusting in the system into which I was born, despite living my life in a fog of borderline depression and malaise.  Medicating myself with alcohol and cigarettes, intense exercise, and mercifully small patches of gambling addiction, finding some relief in those addictions, both with the chemicals and with the desperately-needed connections they facilitated.

Why did I drink?  To escape my life.

Why did I smoke?  To ease my loneliness.

Why did I gamble?  To chase money to ease my insecurity.

Why did I pound the treadmill?  To protect my mind from the noise.

I’ve been drunk three times since August.  With each re-entry to the game of self-destruction and merriment I lose more interest in it and the merriment is harder to find.  I no longer feel drawn to it.  The only purpose it seems to hold for me now is self-destruction.  But I no longer want to self-destruct.

Something happened to me when I attended that ecstatic dance two years ago (link here and part two here).  The dance that led to the creation of this blog.  I felt a freedom in the moments during and after which I had only felt before in chemical intoxication.  It was mind-blowingly liberating.  It was the start of an addiction to a new substance.  Life itself.

There was no sense in the self-destruction any more.  I wanted to live to experience life beyond pain.  I had found a tribe.  We sang. We danced. We hugged.  That was just the beginning.  I walked out of that room grinning from ear-to-ear and feeling peace in my heart.  The effect lasted less than 24 hours.  I had tasted the honey, but I could not find the hive.

Then I attended a Tony Robbins conference a few months later, and in the craziness of those four days, all physical ailments and fears abandoned me.  I felt full of life like I had never felt full of life before.  I found a tribe.  We sang. We danced. We hugged. We yelled positive affirmations of self belief and gratitude.  The effects lasted for a few weeks after.  I grinned unconsciously as I walked about the city for days and days, but removed from my tribe the effect wore off.  I had tasted the honey once more, a big old spoon of it, but still I could not find the hive.  I wrote a couple of posts after where I declared Tony to be my Guru (link here and here) – I knew nothing, but I knew enough, at that time.

From these points on I’ve been in turmoil.  Utter turmoil.  Having had glimpses of what life is really about, but living in a world seemingly unaware of it.  A world of fear, anger and sadness.  Where humour is savagely used as a clever defence mechanism to ease our own insecurities and fear.  Defence is a form of offence.  Where ‘love’ is often so greedy and demanding, not free and unconditional.  In our fear so many of us place money and security at the top of our wishlists, if we have enough money we’ll be ok, we’ll have a house and someone will love us.  We’ll be safe.  We may be safe, but we’re not happy.  We sacrifice our families and our happiness for the security.  Who am I to tell you what is what?  I am no one, but I am someone.  However, if me saying that upsets you then you are not free, and therefore not happy.  Not truly happy.

Back to the story.  I was screwed, I’d seen those glimpses of the truth.  I knew that there was more, and I could not stop until I found it.  I had a new addiction forming.  Those glimpses unsettled me immensely.  The longer I spent trying to kid myself that the old ways were the right ways, and longer I held on and fought to re-find my old life, the more sick and depressed I became.  I had swallowed Morpheus’ red pill and there is no going back to the Matrix once you’ve seen it for it is.  An illusion.

I spiralled, a ball of anxiety and worry, my inner conflict pushing my stress levels through the roof until I could not function in your society any longer and removed myself from it.  For 3 months I wandered aimlessly and alone, first in a van in Australia, then on foot around my home London, and then by bus and train around Spain.  Everyone was so envious of that time off, but I wandered aimless, lost, alone and without purpose.  I pretended I was loving life, trying to fool myself into believing it.  The only time I felt truly free is when I was alone on the dancefloors of Ibiza, serotonin pumping into my brain with chemical precision.  Without the drugs, however, there was no freedom.

Eventually I slumped on to the beaches of Thailand, in a pit of darkness, with all but a sliver of hopeful light still burning inside me.  This was it.  This had to be it.  If this wasn’t it then I wasn’t sure I could go on.

It was it.

The spider bite that triggered my fall into poor health some three and a half years ago robbed me of the freedom to enjoy my old existence, but as I look back now I realise I hadn’t been enjoying my old existence, not really.  My behaviour was a facade.  A coping mechanism designed to allow me to survive the fear and sadness locked inside of me.

That spider bite is the best present I have ever received.  A lesson like no other.  It led me to those beaches and that jungle in Thailand, so that I may learn how to find the hive, to find the honey, and my fellow bees.  I spent 10 weeks moving my body, learning about that body, learning the history of our species and the world.  Learning about life.  My life. Our life.  All life.  I cried out my sadness on that yoga mat again and again, and when that stopped I started to shake out the fear, over and over again.  And then, when enough of that fear and sadness was gone, I started to laugh, and smile.  I shake my head in disbelief and tears form in my eyes as I write this and realise just how lucky I am to have been bitten by that spider.  I am grateful for everything that came before, everything, because it led me to this moment right now, where I am sitting in my bed, alone, and yet not feeling remotely alone.  I wrote a post called ‘it’s time to talk about Thailand‘.  This post is really just an extension of that, an evolution if you were.

Two days ago I laid down on the grass in the small park at Rushcutters Marina.  People were dotted around the park, keeping their distance from each other.  I laid on the grass, arms and legs cast open, and stared at the blue sky above me.  My eyes subconsciously closed and I fell into a meditation.  The sun that I now see when I close my eyes started to pulse until it became still, and then the waves of blue that I sometimes see if I watch that sun started to rise from below.  All of a sudden my eyes popped open, I did not ask them to, but as I took in the blue above I was surrounded by millions of flecks of glimmering white light, like angels around me, and the waves of blue that I’ve only ever seen with my eyes closed surrounded me like a wind.  The clouds above moved and formed into  solid shapes, and a pair of lorikeets sped past my vision.  My entire being was filled with a blissful love I cannot put into words, my back arched in ecstasy, a large sigh of pleasure formed at my lips and left my body.  For those ten minutes or so that I lay there taking it all in with wonderment, I truly was in heaven.  I have not touched a chemical in weeks.  I’m making my own.

I am the hive I was looking for.

My ego is screwed, I have seen it for what it is; a manipulative traitor.  My heart knows the truth, my heart is connected to the universe.  My brain is merely a tool to follow what the universe tells my heart.  Of course the ego still rises, but when he does I am becoming more understanding of him and his pain.  He is not me.  He too, is an illusion.

The virus is a spider bite.  A gift from the universe, from god, but I’ve come to realise that you will not accept it if you are not ready, you will not learn until you have felt enough pain.  There is no point in me preaching to you.  You will lament this ‘corona’ virus as an evil that much be destroyed.  Something that must be fought with resilience and science.  I do not blame you.  You did not get bitten by the spider in your sleep.  And yet you sleep.  The virus is a spider bite for the world.  You might contain it with science and the growing war on your own freedom for now, but the virus is not a spider bite.  It is a lesson.  And until the lesson is learnt it will continue to be taught.  It will continue to bite.

Corona means ‘crown’ in Spanish.  The 7th chakra sits atop the crown of our head, it is referred to as the crown chakra in the ancient texts.  The 7th chakra, the crown chakra is our connection to God, to the divine light, to the universe.  We all have one, but sit oblivious to it until someone or something shows us.  Jesus wore a crown of thorns.  The angels wear a halo.  We all wear a halo, some halos burn bright, some are dimmed so much you can barely make them out, but we all wear a halo.  We are all angels. We all have the capacity to burn bright. It is the responsibility of those who do glimmer with hope and love to show the others the light.

My heart is physically, literally, aching right now with the pain on this Earth.  As I walk around it picks up on all of it.  As I lay here in my bed typing I feel it ache.  Only when I remove myself from the external pain and go inwards or to the sky does that ache subside, and my halo burn bright as I feel his loving embrace.

When you have hurt enough, when you have learnt the lesson you came here to this Earth to learn, you will find me waiting for you with arms open.  My heart is aching for you to join me.  It is time to grow a new hive. When you are ready, when it is time, shine bright. Let the world see you for the angel you are.

This blog from start to finish, if indeed this is the finish, has been my truth.  In that first post I declared that I would be nothing but honest.  I have left some stuff out, but I have been nothing, but honest.  This is my truth.  My bible.  But this is not my truth.  This is the truth.  The only truth.

I’m aware that history suggests I may be crucified for saying so.  This is a sacrifice I am now willing to make.  I have no say in the matter.

Love and Peace be with you,











Heaven is a Place on Earth.

People, all around the world, are right now speculating about what is going to happen next.

If/when do we get to go back to work?

How long will the money in my savings last?

Will the banks go under because of mortgage defaults?

Will the airlines ever come back?

When are the kids going back to school?

etc, etc, etc.

What is quickly becoming apparent is that no one knows.  No can say with any degree of certainty what the future holds.

But, let’s think about that for a moment…

Do we ever really know what the future holds?  We have concepts in our minds of what the future looks like, or what we’d like it to look like, but we also know that everything can change in an instant.

We know this, and yet we don’t really accept it, because we spend our lives making these plans for the future anyway, despite having the knowledge that we cannot control the future.

What is happening right now, if you choose to accept it, is that the world is waking up to the reality that the future is just an abstract concept in our minds that we cannot actually control.

And as soon as we realise that to be the case, we then have the opportunity to realise the truth of existence, that the only moment that exists in reality is the present moment.  Not the moment down the track, or the moment that’s already been.  It just is THIS moment.

The past, is also an abstract concept of the mind.  Two people can have the exact same experience and yet in the moment after that experience have two completely different reactions.  The only reality that exists is not that past experience, but the reaction or EXPERIENCE that is being experienced right now.

As you read these words, you are jumping from one moment to another.  The past, whether it be 5 minutes or 5 decades ago may have an impact on how you receive these words.  Because your past experience is at the front of your mind as you read this, you cannot truly be present when you read this.  You cannot fully appreciate the words on the page for the purity of what they are.

So there’s a fun game to be played here.  Can you read this post free of judgement of whether it is right or wrong?  Good or bad?  Insensitive or sensitive?  If you can, then you are free to behold the beauty of the words.

Am I saying my words are beautiful?  Or ugly?  No I am not.  They are neither, because both beauty and ugliness are constructs of the mind.  The words simply are.  They exist.  That is the only truth about these words.  Any interpretation of these words is purely driven by the constructs of the mind perceiving them on this screen. 

And this is life.

This is everything.  It’s mindbending I know, but the moment, this moment, is shaped only by your ability to be present in this moment.  If you allow the past or the future to infiltrate the present moment you are not free to enjoy the present moment fully – for they are just abstract concepts within your mind, remembered or anticipated in a certain way.  They are not necessarily, or even likely, the truth.

If we can free ourselves from our past story, from the stories other people tell us, and from the story we tell ourselves about the future, we become free.  Free to enjoy life completely.  This is freedom. This is what, ultimately, we are all searching for.  Love.

I’ve used the word ‘we’ in the paragraph above on purpose, because this is what needs to happen.  WE, the collective – we are all connected, like it or not, the universe is a giant mass of energy, break it down far enough and everything is energy.  We are one. One is we.  It’s hard to get your mind round, I know, but this is the concept that we should work to get our minds around.

You as an individual create your own reality.  We as a collective also create our reality.

At the moment, the world is experiencing a reality of negative energy overload.

The only way to turn that around starts with you.  You as an individual have an option to live your life in the present moment, if we do that we can truly live, and that is how our energy will flow in a positive manner.  The collective cannot do that for you right now, because the negative energy is in almost total control.


Ask yourself these questions.

Do I choose love over fear?

Do I choose to give up trying to control the future?

Do I choose to accept and be grateful to the past as the lessons in life that led me to this point?

If you can answer yes to all three of those questions, then you are free to enjoy the present moment.  Your energy will shine bright and clear and positively.

People around you will be affected by that energy, since positive energy is attractive and they will be pulled towards your light.

On Monday of this week something snapped within me and I answered yes, truthfully to all three of those questions.

All you have to do, literally this is it, is answer yes to those questions and your ENTIRE reality will change.

Yes I choose love. Yes I give up control of the future. Yes I am grateful for all that came before to teach me.

In fact it boils to one question.

Do you want create your life, or do you want to let the world outside you create it?  Do you want….wait for it….


For a long time the world outside has looked like a pretty safe and ok place, so we, as a collective have been ok with handing over that power.  Now the world outside is a messy, scary place.  Now is your chance, your opportunity, your motivation to step into the driving seat and take control of your reality that you experience in every single moment.

It’s a beautiful gift.

If you choose to look at it as anything other than a beautiful gift then you cannot answer yes to those questions above yet, and your pain will continue until you are ready to, or simply have to, change your perspective.

The world needs this shift right now.  Change it before global war becomes an outcome of our collective fear.  Change it to love.  We do not need to fight.  We are in the kingdom of heaven.  We are the kingdom of heaven.  It is your reality.  Heaven is a place on earth.  If you choose it.  We must choose it to see it.

Please read, re-read, try to understand, explore this concept with your loved ones, and share, share it with anyone who is currently gripped with fear.  Everyone is gripped in fear.  They do not need to be.  Experience is essential.  Suffering is optional.

Please share.

Lot of Love,


Ps. If you want a one on one session with me to help get to those yes’s then drop me a message on here, or via email

Perhaps you’re not ready but know someone that is?